


to the moon and back

by trappedbyvellichor



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, COVID-19, Corona Virus - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Heavy Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Multi, Quarantine, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, thats right my dudes, yes okay thats it i'll stop tagging now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24538015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trappedbyvellichor/pseuds/trappedbyvellichor
Summary: Small ficlets, oneshots and drabbles on the Marauders. Lots of wolfstar, jily, dorlene, and others! Fluff and angst too.
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	to the moon and back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to this shit show of a series even though i have a million others that i should be working on.

"Kill me, James. Please."

Sirius was dramatically sprawled across the sofa, legs up on a table and hand across face. His lips were slightly parted, and he made sure his hair covered as much of the armrest as possible.

"He's taking a fucking shower, Pads. I think you'll survive."

Sirius sat up, and eyed James with an accusatory look, pointing a finger at him.

"Just because you haven't experienced true love," he flung his arms up, "-and are wasting away pining after someone who'll never have you-"

"Hey! She's warming up!"

"She popped a butterbeer from the top of the girls' staircase when you fell down."

"At least she didn't hex me!"

An look that was somewhere in between amusement and sympathy stretched over Sirius's face. "I'm sorry to burst your bubble, Bambi, but if she loved you, she'd actually talk to you without a string of profanity and rage."

"Like Moony doesn't swear when he talks to you."

"Those are _affectionate_ words of love-"

"They really aren't!" Came Remus's echoing voice from inside the shower.

"Fuck you, Moony! Actually- wait- fuck me!"

"We're supposed to be social distancing! Didn't Minnie tell us not to touch each other unless absolutely necessary?!"

Sirius's eyes lit up.

"Don't you dare answer that question-" interjected James, as Sirius opened his mouth to speak. Sirius grabbed his wand out of his hair, which untwisted form a bun and fell gracefully- or floppily, like James would say- over his shoulders.

He put a finger over his lips, and whispered "Shh," to James, as he tip-toed towards the bathroom door.

"Alohomora," he whispered.

The door knob merely rattled, before becoming stiffer than before.

"Did you honestly try alohomora?" Remus sounded exasperated. "That- I'm disappointed in you, Pads, I really thought you had brains."

A loud laugh erupted from James. His eyebrows were promptly hexed off by an irate Sirius. James screamed when he looked in the mirror, touching his eyebrows with a forlorn look on his face.

"Listen to me, James," started Sirius, as James traced his wand over his eyebrows, regrowing them. "I can't survive in this goddamn quarantine-"

"Well others wouldn't survive if-"

"Not the point! I don't remember the last prank we pulled-"

"What happened to the one we did on Moony? Y'know, the bread one?"

"That was tiny, and besides, Moony didn't care. He ate it. I'm talking about the _big_ pranks, the ones we did on the entire Slytherin dorms and stuff."

"It'll be a little hard to play pranks on people we aren't supposed to be within two metres of, mate."

"Since when did we care about rules?!"

"Since a pandemic has swept across a country, killing thousands of people, and making both wizards and muggles unemployed," deadpanned Remus from the shower.

A loud clatter of bottles and pieces was heard from inside the shower, that scared both James and Sirius out of their skin. It was followed by a long sigh, and quiet string of vulgar profanity that would've driven McGonagall off the turn.

"You okay in there, Moons?"

"Having the time of my fucking life, Pads."

Sirius chuckled, and turned back to James, his grin turning to a frown immediately. James flipped the finger at him, which Sirius lazily charmed to fly above, earning him a "fuck off," from James, and a gasp of awe from a now watching Peter.

"How on earth did you do that?"

"Given enough idiocy and horniness, anyone could."

"Is that a word?"

"Oi! Moons! Is horniness a word?!" Yelled James.

"What makes you think I know?"

"Dunno, you read a lot."

"I assure you, Prongs, I don't read any literature that may contain the word 'horniness'. I'm a man of class."

"Why're you dating Pads, then?"

"Hey!"

A sudden crack echoed around the word, and standing before them was a scared looking house elf. Another yelp and clatter of bottles could be heard from the bathroom, before a much louder curse, making the house elf flinched, escaped Remus's mouth.

"What d'you want?" Asked Sirius to the house elf.

"We- I is to tell you- that- that you is not- is not allowed the fifty c- con- c- c-"

"Spit it out!"

The house elf hung his head in shame, before muttering something in a quiet voice, and turning red.

"What was that?"

"Miss- Madam McGonagall is telling that- that you is not allowed the fifty condoms you was wanting," said the house elf, before turning red in shame, and hitting his fist against his head.

"What?" 

Sirius was almost as red as the house elf, matching the curtains that hung from the beds. James let out what sounded like a guttural sound, which was really only a loud wail of laughter. Peter was torn between stifling a laugh and blushing almost as hard as Sirius too.

In the end, Peter and James were rolling on the floor, tears in their eyes, clutching at their sides. A very embarrassed Sirius was sitting on the bed, arms crossed, trying to figure out what had happened.

That was, before an overjoyed Remus opened the door and emerged from the bathroom, with a mischievous grin on his face.

"You gave me the dancing bread. I present you with this."


End file.
